• Always serve yourself last at home
• Oops! I forgot the crackling!
• Inroads with cheese
• Establish the strictly sharing menu
• The Ultimate Cheeseboard
• Be helpful at pudding
• Farmers Market Tools
• Flattery gets you fatter!

So next time your out doing the 'foodie' thing, remember how to get the best without the rest guessing!

Always serve yourself last at home It’s so much easier to slip yourself another goose fat Maris Piper roastie under your Roast Grouse

Oops! I forgot the crackling! When everyone has tucked in to their belly of pork go get the crackling, that way they are distracted and you’re able to get that extra piece

Flattery gets you fatter! Your host will always fall for flattery - so go for it.  Comment on how difficult it is to get samphire or how you think it’s so clever to mix cinnamon with star anise in the Moroccan tagine and see how quickly another spoonful heads your way.

Inroads with cheese When at a dinner party and the cheese appears move the conversation onto something that people will get passionate about (apart from cheese of course).  Most people can’t talk and eat, so it’s your chance to make those inroads!!

Establish the strictly sharing menu When dining out deliberate for hours before you eventually make your choice.  People like Wendy feel so grateful you’ve made your mind up that you can have what you want.  When you get your food make head roads into it fast then start enquiring into others leaving only a tiny, tiny taste of yours! (NB sharing menus: these menus are for culinary wimps!  They are inevitably too small for two portions. Don’t do them!

The Ultimate Cheeseboard When in a restaurant you find the king of cheeseboards (as you can see I’m fanatic about cheese) start waxing eloquent, the waiter will love it!  Use plenty of technical terms, use phrases like washed rinds, whey, and raw milk.  You’ll soon find samples of everything on your plate.

Be helpful at pudding Offer to relieve your weary host by serving up the blood orange and ricotta tart they have lovingly created for dessert.  Really important to neglect to mention that pie charts were a particular weakness at school.  It’s the perfect way to end up with an unfairly huge piece of tart at the end.

Farmers Market Tools Always take your own plastic spoons.  This avoids the usual unsightly scrums of the great unwashed fighting for the few remaining utensils, and allows you to dive straight in!  When you find that special ingredient engage the stall holder with expert chit chat and lots of it.  While they are replying, I find it that much easier to have that second and third slice of Wagyu beef!